Today I felt like I made a difference….but at the same time didn’t feel like I made a difference
Today I felt like I made a difference....but at the same time didn’t feel like I made a difference!
I helped a 15 year old friend of my niece, whom I barely knew, who was suffering some real difficult home hardships, domestic misconducts and who was also struggling with personal coping issues.
I’m not sure what has happened out there, but being a teenager right now has become this painful growth task enduring too many adult situations and responsibilities. Sex, drinking/drugs, bullying, home issues/abuse, mental health/coping mechanisms, authority issues (lack of rules and stability), latch-key kids, etc. I’m not going to say these weren’t issues when I was a teen, but the start of these issues and challenges are coming at a much younger age than we’ve ever seen before.
Do all kids struggling with the above mentioned issues come from bad families? – No...and on the flip side many wonderful kids/teens come from really bad home environments.
Where does that equation go wrong for the kids then? Sigh....I wish a hug could still fix everything!
So off to the Children’s hospital we went...from there Community Services and the Mental Health Crisis team eventually deal with us and though with an outcome unknown...I still feel like it was the right starting place to get her back on her feet again. Though at some point I have to wonder if the drama involved in the whole situation was part of the experience these youths crave as well. It perhaps fills a void for the attention and adult connection/caring whether they are aware of it or not.
I must say I do get a little frustrated that so many youths out there are wanting to take their lives, while at the same time so many kids are fighting to live through fatal diseases/cancers/and accidents – wishing they could make the choice to live. I know as a parent I would be devastated to lose my child be it by their own hands or illness.
Speaking of parents....yes, I do believe there are good/bad/indifferent parents. I also believe there are some very basic steps we can take to help carve a better path for our kids.
Be aware of their friends – names, phone #’s and addresses. Get to know the other parents. Keep them active in sports, hobbies and arts they are interested in – paying attention and getting involved when possible. I know life is busy, but I believe that supper time is a great place to find out about everyone’s day....so as often as your schedule allows have no TV - just a table, food and conversation. You’d be surprised at how that routine becomes something you all look forward to. My son even likes to help set the table!
At no time is abuse - physical or sexual, acceptable...and if this is an issue, then it’s wrong and must be addressed!
They are children, you are there to protect them – bottom line...no excuses. If you cannot promise safety and security for your kids, then you lose your parental rights. Also, if you witness this with another’s child, then you need to take steps to help that child (i.e. call the authorties/children services).
A common denominator I’m seeing in outof control teens is sleepovers. I’m starting to think these overnighters are just an outlet to trouble. Parents allowing kids to have multiple nights each week at friends houses. Many with no calls to confirm they are really there, no required call from the youth to home...do you really think they are going to stay in the home all night when as a teen there are so many things to lure you out of the house?Do you really know the parents well enough to trust them with your child/teen? In some cases we think we know someone, but people aren’t about to reveal their dark side to you if they see they’ve been given an opportunity. Not saying this is applicable to all parents – it’s not...but, isn’t one wrong judgement made causing a child to be a victim too many. I think we need to take back our kids nightly!
Onto anther teen hazard - Self respect....
Are we teaching are kids about this? They are more versed in blow jobs in elementary school than most adults nowadays! Sure for the boys it seems like a great deal I’m sure...but it’s less about intimacy than it is about quantity and status...but it would appear to me the girls are the real losers with this arrangement. The boys seem to be elevated in stature, but the girls just come out of it with a reputation..no reciprication or rewards and face a great health risk. I’m just not sure where the value is in here. For the boys I ask you – would you like to see your mom’s or sisters’s treated this way?...and for the girls I say stand up and take your reputations back...it is something that stays with you. Sure we all make a bad choice now and then – but don’t let one keep leading to another.
The thing I try to focus on is that though mature in so many ways, young teens are still too young to have the capacity to make all their life altering choices...
Sure they can choose to control their reputation based on their choice of actions, their treatment of others, their reaction to treatment of others....but many things are happening to them that they don’t understand. The ability to digest and cope with these teen issues is becoming overwhelming for not only the youth/teens, but people like teachers, other friends, etc. There are many resources/counselling set up to help, so don’t be shy about using them! It’s when we stop talking and ignore issues that causes the downward spiral for our youth.
I encourage you whether you are a youth/teen/or parent – talk with your family....stay connected. Respect each other, protect each other and matter to each other.
Two final things...if you don’t journal, I encourage you to. Sometimes writing down your feelings can be such a relief and bring clarity to life situations - Hey it works for me in my songwriting!
And finally, here is the phone number and website for the Canadian Kids Help Phone organization:
Good Luck and be nice to each other out there!
What people are saying?
on September 07th, 2010, Gary said...
Lana this is a great piece of writting. If young kids could read it and understand the reality of their actions,they would surley have less pain in their life.
Parents sometimes fall short but they must never give up being parents and always strive to improve how they deal with their kids.
No one ever said growing up was going to be easy or parenting was not without this drama and stress .
All we can do is our best .